A Story About … Compliments How do you respond when someone compliments you? “I am awesome” It’s a statement I have been told by many of my superstar ???? clients. It’s a statement I now use and completely own. It can have an interesting impact […]
A Story About … Fun (and the gym and our favourite hobbies) To be quite honest with you, there are things I like doing more than going to the gym to train. This, I think, is quite a common feeling. I get it. Training can […]
Who or what inspires you?
I find people truly inspiring. Each individual has a story and there is always something I can learn, celebrate and be inspired by when listening to parts of their journey through life.
In particular I find my Superstar clients to be such amazing people and regularly find inspiration, laughter, hope and joy from hearing their stories and watching their successes.
This is possible because we have such a close working relationship and the trust level is high.
After all, everyone knows what goes on in The Shed stays in The Shed????
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Group, Online or 121 Memberships – what works for you best? You choose. PM me for a chat to find your best solution.
How does your past experience shape your approach to eating now? Can we change our future? I think so ⏬ “Eyes bigger than… ???? “ I was reminded of this phrase whilst eating my lunch recently. I was starving. So made a very decent sized […]
How do you deal with a big change in what you had carefully planned? At the weekend we were meant to plant our hedge. The trench was dug in readiness last week for 100s of plants to go in. And then it rained, a lot […]
Do you get them? What do you do? ?
For those of you not familiar with the term CBA stands for Can’t Be Arsed
We all have those days, even people who seem to regularly have all their ducks in a row! ????
Some signs of a CBA day looming:
? Drained after a bad nights sleep
? Feeling under the weather, not quite right
? Family being more challenging than normal
☑️ To Do list is too long and too challenging
??♀️ Everything you touch seems to go wrong
? Get up and go seems to have got up and gone
? Exercise is not appealing.
?♀️ Teetering on the edge feels more like clinging on by your fingertips!
This time of year can trigger more of those CBA moments than normal with the unpredictable weather, the darkness and dreariness.
It can all seem too much. The desire to bin out and just hunker down under a blanket with a plateful of biscuits and hide from the world can be very strong! Or is that just me? ??♀️
Here’s how I manage a big case of the CBA’s.
I give it a score out of 10. And then take action accordingly.
?1-5 out of 10 – A mild CBA DAY
Often a mindset change can change the course of the day. So planning and actioning a few tiny steps can get me back on track
? Drink some water
? Take a walk
? 10mins sat quietly with no distractions
?♀️ A chat with a (supportive) friend
? A hug
✍️ Writing down the crap in my head
??♀️ Some gentle stretching
? The ritual of making a proper cup of tea (or coffee)
? A nap
And then moving on to something small and not arduous that will give me the feeling of achieving something that day.
Like:
✅ An easy item ticked off the To Do list
?? Some exercise – something that is enjoyable and not too challenging
? Clear some clutter
Action is so much easier to take once you start taking it. And the tiny steps create momentum to the small steps that then make the larger steps more manageable ??
?6-9 out of 10 – A medium CBA Day
These are the times when the overwhelm seems overwhelming! When the tears are right there waiting and the thoughts tend toward the negative and small things going wrong lead to end of the world despair!
These are the times I treat myself to permission to change the plan for the day.
Some things I do
✋?Give myself permission to not achieve
?Write the angst onto paper and burn it
?♀️Recognise that I am not superwoman
⏱Take the morning/afternoon/day off all non essentials
? Choose to do something that is comforting and nurturing and enjoy it with no guilt
? Hunt for and celebrate all and any positives and silver linings I can think of
? Stay away from media/news/challenging tv
?Decide what I want the next minute/hour/day to look and feel like
?Take the tiny/small actions that will help that happen
??Celebrate each and every step
CBA days can feel overwhelming.
But we can still choose how we act
What causes your CBA days? And what actions do you take?
?10 out of 10 – A High CBA day
These days are the days when just getting out of bed is too challenging.
Often I find these days are the days when the essential non avoidable adulting needs to be done by someone else.
These are the days, when if we force the issue and keep trying to drive forward will lead a CBA moment extending over a longer time frame.
These are what I class as emergency self care days.
How I deal with those days?
?Explain in as self supporting way as possible to those around me what is going on and how I am choosing to nurture myself
⏭Delegate, rearrange, cancel my diary for that day.
? Listen to my body and mind and only do the things that don’t challenge me.
?? Remind myself that it’s ok to not be ok
? Take myself out of my head (normally with a good book) to break the thought cycle
?Aim to bring the 10/10 down by 1 so I can move on to the middle actions.
Yes I have some. In fact quite a lot of ? Mostly it’s day to day ? A gorgeous but incontinent old spaniel surrounded by 3 other lively ones that are not careful where they run ? A close family who I support with their […]
Long Story Short: Why is The Southey Way logo a starfish? Did you know that there are over 1900 different types of Starfish? And this number is, amazingly, growing. Did you know Starfish can regenerate? Most can regenerate damaged parts or lost arms. How […]
The short answer?
A fighter pilot – aged 8 and female in the 70’s this was not even allowed! I was told I could be an air traffic control officer instead. Same, same, right?!
By the time society had changed enough to let women be fighter pilots my eyesight was too bad. Blooming typical!
I didn’t find my true purpose & passion until the age of 42 with The Southey Way!
The Long answer?
OK buckle up, I’m going to Top Gun this Story. Get a cuppa and settle in for the ride!
I figured it should be a good idea to start at The Beginning.
How did The Southey Way come about? Where did it all start?
I have to start with The Black Years. About 10 of them!
Without going into too much detail, I was not a happy bunny for a very long time. Only I didn’t realise I wasn’t happy. I just thought I was getting Life all wrong! Failing miserably at Life, the Universe and Everything.
I was staying at home raising my 2 young kids, supporting my husband (who was working a demanding job and working away a lot) and looking after our 1st spaniel. My sole purpose was to help them live their best lives possible. Everything I did, I did for them. That was my job, and I was going to do it to the best of my ability.
So why was I so miserable? Why did I struggle to feel happy? Why was it so difficult to get out of bed each day? Why could I not leave the house on my own? Why did I eat & drink all the bad stuff? Why did the voice in my head beat me up so much? Why was I so invisible and insignificant?
Too many questions for my poor brain to cope with.
On the outside it would appear I had everything: Husband, lovely kids, crazy spaniel, nice house etc etc etc. All the things we are encouraged to be and do. And all around me people thought all was ok. I was an expert in not letting my misery or failure show.
But on the inside, I felt I’d lost myself, who I was as a person, as an individual. I felt invisible. I had no self-respect, self-worth, self-confidence and no voice.
It was a very self-destructive time.
Then I came to The Fork in The Road
By this point it was very clear to me that I couldn’t carry on as I had been. Something would have to happen. Either I took the one path that left me sliding down the slippery slope of doom and failure and pain. Or I took the other path. The one that went I knew not where but had a glint of sunshine peeking from around the corner.
Fortunately, I took the glinting path. And off I ventured, one baby step at a time. Quite literally!
I looked for help. Someone that was separate from my life. Someone to support, help, advise and guide me on my way. I knew I didn’t want someone who was going to tell me what to do. I didn’t want another framework, blueprint, 5 step plan, rule to follow. I just wanted someone to listen, not judge but make observations and support me when I made a decision for myself.
I looked hard but could not find that someone. So, I resolved to do it on my own, my way, whatever that took, however hard that would be.
And it was hard!
I started to move. Literally move. Setting myself the challenge to walk to the first lamp post every day, then the next and slowly going further and faster. And my brain started to work again. I started finding solutions, to think about what the next step forward would be. To reward myself for the lampposts reached.
Slowly, I got fitter physically and as I did, I got stronger mentally. Over the next 8 years I worked on myself. I finally found people to help me: a personal trainer with a gentle approach, a coach with an encouraging and supportive manner, a business community of people going through their own life challenges.
I realised I will always have to do things my way, but I certainly don’t have to do it alone.
In May 2016, I had a moment. I was in a great place, personally. I had found my voice, my self-confidence, and my self-worth. I finally respected myself.
I realised I was now in the position to BE the person I have been looking for all those years ago.
I was in the position to listen, support, help and guide people to find their own way through their own dark days. To help each individual find their own path with their own ray of sunshine. To help people find their way to thriving in their lives. To help each person make those baby steps to change with less pain, anxiety and stress than doing it on their own.
I had found my purpose in life.
I finally found my answer to the question “What do you want to be when you grow up” (Although I wouldn’t say I’ve grown up. I did that once and it wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. But that’s another story!)
Within 24hours of this realisation I had set up The Southey Way.
So named because I walk my journey my way. I live my life The Southey Way and I help others take responsibility and control and live their lives their way.
What an awesome amazing way to thrive!
Until next time, Superstar
Sara x
Sara Southey from The Southey Way
Not just a personal trainer!
Health & Fitness for you, helping you thrive and not just survive
Body, mind and soul
Specialising in helping each individual person take control of their life and create their own unique sustainable health & wellbeing habits to thrive and not just survive
Fancy a 121? Book A Chat with… for your free 30min call with me
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